Movement and fear

So with the computer down this weekend. I am not making my 365 blog. Sooooooo I will just try my best from here on out.

I read a post by Alicia and I laughed most of the morning. She blogged about her obsessive pantie checking. Come on, you know what I am talking about. Infertility affects you in a different manor and for me it was the same as her. It has now progressed on to an obsession over movement. I am happy that I can feel our little baby girl is moving regularly but it is also a time when if I don't feel her for an hour or so, I freak out. Last night was the worst so far. You see, I had been very active with trying to get the front room cleaned for the nursery for B and last night when I went to bed which is normally a very active time was very quiet. I was very frightened by this. I didn't sleep well because of this. I find myself poking on my belly to make her move so that she will move around. After last night and the poking was not working at all. It took until this morning to feel her rolling and kicking and punching. It was a relief. I am terrified of not feeling her move for a while. It bothers me. I have faith that the Lord is going to keep our daughter safe and healthy, I just can't loose that fear.

Infertility sucks and all who have went thru it know what I mean. It is hard to move past the fear and move past the sense of something going wrong. I will work toward making that better. whew, that felt better to get it off of my chest. Thanks for listening.