Well here are the 18 week pictures. I think I am showing more than I feel I am. After seeing this picture, I realized that there is a curve to the belly and not what I am seeing in the mirror from full frontal. Lol. I am not quite to the bare belly shot stage. I am still reserved on that one.
This is our lovely Christmas tree. I really should take a picture of it when it is lit up. I did want to tell you that while out this weekend, DH was mad that I was not looking for more maternity pants. You see right before getting pregnant, I had lost 32 lbs and so I had pants that were way too big on my. Well gradually, they have started to fit and now they are snug. He tells me that I am cutting her in half. Yeah like that is really true. Any whoooo, I went to Motherhood and got 2 more pair. That now gives me 4 pair and will get me thru the week. You are looking at a wonderful pair of the casual dress black in this picture. I also went to Cato and got 4 shirts for $35. I was so happy. You are seeing the beautiful pink version here. Lol. I would love for you to be able to see the rest of them. DH says that I look like I am the wrapped present for under the tree this week. I love that man. We are going to have pictures taken Thursday night. I am hoping they will come out fabulous like I expect them to.
I will also say that with a head hung low and embarrassment on my face, yet again in just 1 month, yes 1 month, I have grown another size in the chest and had to buy another bra. I am now officially a 41 G. OMG!!!!! I am glad that I don’t look like Dolly but holy moly that is big.
You know there are some feelings I have been having lately and I am not really sure why. See there are blogs that I have read for a while and new ones that I have come across. These blogs deal with loss. Loss of their precious little one anywhere between 17 and 23 weeks. I am so saddened by the stories that I see and read. I am almost addicted to see what is going to happen. I also have some blogs that are inspirational. Antigone Lost, is a great one. She is one of the strongest women that I know. Alicia has had some struggles lately but she always has a great outlook on life. Melissa has had some rough times but she is doing better and boy is she cute Prego. Lol. There are those that I read that are still trying to conceive and are going thru difficult times right here at the holidays. I also have just a few that just found out that they are expecting.
I have been torn because those sites that deal with the loss and give every detail (which I love, it is an open window to their souls.) are causing me to have those thoughts of what if? What if that happens to me and the baby and so forth? I love those women and again they are pillars of strength yet my DH has given me explicit instructions not to read. I worry that my belly feels funny. It is not firm on the bottom as it is on the top. I worry that I only feel a few kicks during the day. (I know that is normal but I read so much online that says they are feeling their baby so much more) I still have to look at the paper when I go potty as I am terrified that I am going to see spotting. I know that this is all normal behavior but to the rest of my family… they think that I am going insane. I mean they really do.
I can’t describe this feeling and I can’t tell you why it is there. I think that it is the loss and the uncertainty that comes with any pregnancy. I mean I feel like yes, God has given us the huge miracle yet I worry that what if there is a lesson that he is going to need for me to learn. Oh God I pray not. Do you see where this is going? It is on the verge of insanity. I just pray that I am not the only one out there. Lord knows I should expect this with 12 years of trying but to be honest with you, I never thought it would be this bad. I thought I could enjoy pregnancy and enjoy every update week to week that I get but I feel as though I am on a bomb click down to the explosion.
Thank you all so much for listening and helping me thru it. You really are the best.
This is our lovely Christmas tree. I really should take a picture of it when it is lit up. I did want to tell you that while out this weekend, DH was mad that I was not looking for more maternity pants. You see right before getting pregnant, I had lost 32 lbs and so I had pants that were way too big on my. Well gradually, they have started to fit and now they are snug. He tells me that I am cutting her in half. Yeah like that is really true. Any whoooo, I went to Motherhood and got 2 more pair. That now gives me 4 pair and will get me thru the week. You are looking at a wonderful pair of the casual dress black in this picture. I also went to Cato and got 4 shirts for $35. I was so happy. You are seeing the beautiful pink version here. Lol. I would love for you to be able to see the rest of them. DH says that I look like I am the wrapped present for under the tree this week. I love that man. We are going to have pictures taken Thursday night. I am hoping they will come out fabulous like I expect them to.
I will also say that with a head hung low and embarrassment on my face, yet again in just 1 month, yes 1 month, I have grown another size in the chest and had to buy another bra. I am now officially a 41 G. OMG!!!!! I am glad that I don’t look like Dolly but holy moly that is big.
You know there are some feelings I have been having lately and I am not really sure why. See there are blogs that I have read for a while and new ones that I have come across. These blogs deal with loss. Loss of their precious little one anywhere between 17 and 23 weeks. I am so saddened by the stories that I see and read. I am almost addicted to see what is going to happen. I also have some blogs that are inspirational. Antigone Lost, is a great one. She is one of the strongest women that I know. Alicia has had some struggles lately but she always has a great outlook on life. Melissa has had some rough times but she is doing better and boy is she cute Prego. Lol. There are those that I read that are still trying to conceive and are going thru difficult times right here at the holidays. I also have just a few that just found out that they are expecting.
I have been torn because those sites that deal with the loss and give every detail (which I love, it is an open window to their souls.) are causing me to have those thoughts of what if? What if that happens to me and the baby and so forth? I love those women and again they are pillars of strength yet my DH has given me explicit instructions not to read. I worry that my belly feels funny. It is not firm on the bottom as it is on the top. I worry that I only feel a few kicks during the day. (I know that is normal but I read so much online that says they are feeling their baby so much more) I still have to look at the paper when I go potty as I am terrified that I am going to see spotting. I know that this is all normal behavior but to the rest of my family… they think that I am going insane. I mean they really do.
I can’t describe this feeling and I can’t tell you why it is there. I think that it is the loss and the uncertainty that comes with any pregnancy. I mean I feel like yes, God has given us the huge miracle yet I worry that what if there is a lesson that he is going to need for me to learn. Oh God I pray not. Do you see where this is going? It is on the verge of insanity. I just pray that I am not the only one out there. Lord knows I should expect this with 12 years of trying but to be honest with you, I never thought it would be this bad. I thought I could enjoy pregnancy and enjoy every update week to week that I get but I feel as though I am on a bomb click down to the explosion.
Thank you all so much for listening and helping me thru it. You really are the best.
2 comments:
I hear what you are saying. I was so naive with my bean. Once I got a positive beta I assumed it was a sure thing. Lucky for me, it was, but I was so naive.
Having said that, you need a peace mantra. I found a verse for you. You don't have to use it but I think it might be helpful.
Psalm 43: 5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
i think this is totaly normal, especially for us IFers turned preggers. We read a lot of blogs and stories about all the tragedies that happen and then when it is our turn to be PG we can't help but remember those stories. I am the same way. What I am trying to remeber is that most pregnancies end up with healthy living babies! And my Dr's say my baby is fine and I am just trying to focus on that! But i totally get what you are going through! hugs
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