Time Flys...

So today is cd5 already. I have taken the Clomid for 2 nights already and will again for the next 3. I find that taking the Clomid at night helps to curve the, ummm, grumpies, well full on witch really. I hate the bloating that comes with it too. I don't think that I have mentioned but I have lost a total of 32 pounds now and so I am scared of putting any back on. I am down 3 dress sizes, pant sizes really and I am happy. I am however an emotional eater and we all know about emotions during a cycle with IF and PCOS right?

I think about all that has happened in the last week, I don't know where the time goes. It seems like just yesterday I was blogging about the clomid and the higher doses and so on. I was thinking to myself that the dose might be too much and then it turned out that it was and I learned very quickly that even mild OHSS SUX!!!!!.

I know that I have not made it clear but I have seen an RE before, I mean we have been trying for 12 years. lol. He is Great, it is just my fear of the IVF word. I will call him special K. I think the first visit, he told my husband more about hormones than he ever wanted to know in his lifetime.

I had a hysto.... you know what I mean. I always mess that term up. That was horrible, I thought it best to use a local practice and save me the 45 minute drive. I was wrong. These bung holes had no clue what they were doing, I don't think but it should have given itself away when I heard the nurse ask, "where are you going to put that?" in a grossed out tone. But hence, that was not all, there I was laying on an x-ray table with dye running thruought my body and then listening to the doctor ask me why in the world would I go thru this much trouble for one baby. (another story, another time). Yeah, not fun. So, I was off to start on this again. Before seeing this RE, I had done the Clomid for 1 year and then another with the metphormin thru my wonderful OB. Now keep in mind that the OBGYN would only let me take it for 3 months and then off for 3.

I hope you are not bored, please bear with me. We went to the RE and had all of the SA, BW, and U\S and everything was good. Only my PCOS. I was due to go in for my 3 day scan when my DH's father passed suddenly of a heart attack. I have not been back. There was something about life taking over. This happened in January 07. I was even trying all of this while recovering from a complete loss in Hurricane Katrina. I was determined to have a baby but I think the Lord had other plans. Daddy's passing did me in. I had to be everything to everyone. I was the caretaker, the consoler, the cleaner, the upbeat one, the prayer, the "sleep with me" one, All the while dealing with too much from loosing your house and having no flood insurance along with buying from an individual that lost everything as well and filed bankruptcy (another story, another time)and loosing what you had (an outer shell) back to the mortgage company that refused to sell it to you as they considered you part of the process. (lonnnnngggg story). I also had to over see the rebuilding of MILs home which I didn't mind. She got a shotty contractor that decided to do the roof on a rainey day when no one was home but when the rain moved in, he moved out. He left the ceiling uncovered and let her ceilings fall in only to ruin everything in 3 rooms. It was nice to have another person to talk to during our hard times. She used me as a shoulder and I used her house as therepy while dealing with a husband that was drowning in drinking from it all. Whew! Well now it is time for me to stop and thank God, that those times are over. That was the worst in my life by far, and I am grateful that he brought me thru it. I don't even know what got me on this topic but it must be something that I need to let out. I was only going to post about how fast this cycle is already going and now look, I am an open book right now. I don't really like that but I am going to post any way.

So now we move on. I am praying that this cycle goes fast. I have made the appointment with the RE and if all goes well then we will be having that appointment on September 12th. I am not for sure where in my cycle I will be but the nurse says that all I have to do is call her and she will schedule the 3 day u\s. I want to go back to special K as I know he can help. I am going to be as aggressive as I need to be as I do have insurance coverage and I think it is pretty good coverage. This is the laid back cycle. Yes I am temping and yes I am taking the clomid and no I am not going to use the OPKs. lol. I am however going to relax. I am praying for my savior to save me from worry and stress. I want a sound mind for this next month. I need a sound mind for my family.

Lord reveal yourself to me so that I may better know your plan. Let me in just a little so that I can understand. I will turn this fully over to you and I will not try to latch back on for I know you are all powerful and more than capable of handeling anything I turn over to you. Thank you Father. I pray for your hand upon my body this month for..."Do not be wise in your own eyes: fear the lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones." Proverbs 3:7-8

Thanks for listening....... You were my shoulder today.