Everything is going smoothly???

I was sitting there last night while watching American Idol, thinking wow this could be the month. You see last month there was a dread and fear almost as immidiate as the + sign on the test. lol. I almost instantly knew it was not going to work. This time, I am not going to do that. I am not going to test 5 days before my missed period and I am not going to count the hours before I can test (oh yeah it was that bad for me too) . Thru all of the blogs I read now of the wonderful women that suffer from PCOS, I have learned that I am not as brave as I thought. I don't keep it together as well as I think I am and I am not alone. Sometimes you begin to feel that way. You begin to think that you are the only woman in the world that can not have kids that desire them.

I would sit there in the doctors offices and see these 14 year-old girls come in with their mom and I hate to even say it but I am jelous. I am jelous of the women that are living in the projects, not married to the man and she is having babies left and right and I am paying for them. I am not saying that against anyone that is living in low income housing. I am talking about the ones that are sitting on their behinds watching soap operas and sending their children to daycare for free and living with a man that has a job and they are both driving nice cars because she isn't married to him and doesn't need to let them know the money he is bringing in. I am talking about the women that have been in the system since they had a child at 15 and now have 4 more and still in the system. I live in Hurricane Katrina country and I know there is work out there for people. I just get mad that I am paying for someone else to have all of these babies and not really care about then. To them they are a paycheck every month. I know this sounds harsh and I realize that some will be offended. I will say that this is not my feeling on everyone, I just live right around the corner from a complex and I see it everyday. I go to the local park right there and hear the nice women talk stradegy on how to get MORE. This just upsets me.

I really don't know where this one came from except to say that it is day 3 of the Clomid and cd6 so maybe the horns are showing today. Keep your fingers crossed here we go.